Going nowhere fast

Who coined the term “going nowhere fast?” It’s a little clichéd, but when you feel like some aspect of your life is just stuck, but the calendar is flipping by, it starts to feel like a phrase penned just for you.

I’ve honestly felt that 2015 has been a year of “going nowhere fast”. My job wasn’t something I was passionate about anymore. Hell, I didn’t even really like it most days, and I had to will myself out of bed. Sometimes I took personal days when I couldn’t. Sometimes I drank the work-week nights away. One moment I was slurping down a Gin & Tonic. The next it was 3am and I was in a bed- thankfully mine- usually with a plate of food next to me and no recollection of how I got back or what I hit my shoulder on.

After this happened three times in the span of six weeks it was apparent something needed to change before I went office space at work or did something worse than walking out of one of my favorite bars without paying because I was black out (note: I did go back and pay my bill and tip 100%)

I could continue to stay in a job that made my blood boil 75% of the time, further slipping into some pretty bad tendencies. Or I could start something new. Obviously I went with the second choice, and my liver is immensely happy as well!

First I started shadowing another position within my department. Then there was the deathly 2 week wait before an interview. I had two sit downs and then waited a few more weeks. Anyone who has gone through the job hunt knows that dreaded feeling of being in limbo, but I do understand how fast this went compared to many/most searches. Finally, a few weeks ago on a Friday I was presented with a job offer that made me want to boogie and cry tears of joy all at the same time.

It’ll be something new, a little familiar since it’s in my department, and a bit strange. My July 1st start date was pushed up a little so this month I’ll be doing some training, taking on clients, and phasing out my current social tasks- phew!

But I’m excited. I feel that joie de vie coming back into my cheeks. And I feel like my life has actual, forward movement again. With a new job is a new pay rate I can actually start really making a nest egg for myself and hopefully parlay it into a condo in a few years. I can chip away at those college loans with more than a teeny hammer. I can learn new skills, meet new people, and actually be excited to wake up again and go to work.

Without getting too more navel-gazing (I can already feel a hole burning in my belly button) 2015 has already taught me a lot, like this: you shouldn’t run away from every little problem the minute it crops up. A bit of discomfort is okay. But if something has been making you unhappy for months, and you don’t think things will change, then don’t just sit there and fume. And definitely don’t do like I did and start blacking out and clocking PTO for weak reasons.

Some things, admittedly so, are easier to let go of, like that so-so friend that has been pissing you off. Other things are just really hard to overcome like leaving a company and traveling somewhere new. But it’s possible, and when all is said and done you really will feel a lot better. Why go through life with the miserable dial turned up all the way, especially when it comes to the job you spend more waking hours at than your own home?

Anywho, 600+ world count musings aside, my next post will feature something like scarves, or food, or shoes. Cannot get too heavy, ya’ll.



2 thoughts on “Going nowhere fast

  1. Jocellyn, I felt like I was reading my own diary reading this. From Feb 2014 to March 2015, I worked a job that made me cry all the time, feel so unhappy and unsatisfied, made me drink heavily, and made me a terrible person to be around (including to my spouse, who had been supportive). I don’t know why it took me so long to leave, part of my was scared of what would happen to my life and my career if I left a job without another one lined up, thinking that we wouldn’t be able to pay our bills. Another part of me didn’t want to give up on this job, which on paper seemed like a good opportunity but in practice was crushing me.

    I was lucky enough to find another job in March and haven’t looked back since. I remember now what the real me is like and what waking up every day feeling happy to go work feels like. I laugh a lot more and am a better spouse and friend. I’ve learned the lesson that if it doesn’t feel right from the start, there’s a good chance it will never feel right, and to not waste my time.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this and know that you’re not alone and that you did the right thing. I’m so happy for you and wish you the best of luck in your new position.

    xo Nout

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